Nighttime Hosts Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Television's top comedians spent the broadcast criticizing President Donald Trump's just launched immigration program, called the "gold card," portraying it as a obvious cash-for-residency arrangement for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Take

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas jingle targeting the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "The President ... destroys each thing he touches."

Colbert's target was the new program that enables foreign citizens to buy U.S. legal status for a sum of one million dollars, with a "platinum" option for 5 million. An official website promises approval "faster than ever."

"A quick message for you to affluent foreigners: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the program is also intended to "squeeze cash" from firms wanting to hire skilled workers, requiring significant costs. "That's a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choice – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The best vetting the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit wealthy foreigners to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the form, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging poll numbers amid economic anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term because they were upset about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a effort to tackle prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, where he behaved strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking conservative media coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he remarked.